Mother

First and foremost this is what I am, but let’s please not forget that every mother is also an individual with their own needs and dreams. They are also daughters, grandaughters, grandmothers, sisters, aunts, nieces or wives. Often childhood experiences define who they are and how they behave towards their children.

The biggest problem that this presents, as mothers, is do we follow in the footsteps of our parents or do we change the pattern from our own experiences into what we would have loved to experience and allow our children to have the childhood we did not have. This is of course dependent upon whether you were one of the lucky ones who experienced a childhood full of love or one who was in a situation of neglect be it emotional or physical. It is important to remember that every mother has their own agenda, their own needs, their own priorities based on who they are and their childhood memories.

Sometimes, however, mothers have to become fathers too. Circumstances brought this about for myself and my three children. I had not anticipated that things would turn out as they did and therefore was totally unprepared for the immense responsibility that was then all mine.

It is hard enough being a mother but having no-one to share the decisions and responsibilities with is something that was daunting and often terrifying. Having said that I do not believe that my children saw any of the turmoil going on inside me as I became Mum and Dad to them. It was one of the most difficult, if not rewarding times of my life. My children brought an untold amount of love and joy into my life and for that I am forever grateful.

Having a childhood that left me with emotional difficulties, that I am to this day trying to get through, I was adamant that my children would be loved unconditionally and be confident in all of their endeavours. I was fairly strict but fair, I did not just say no if something was not to be I would always explain why i.e. too dangerous, not the right thing to do, they are too young, I could not afford it.

There were many times they could not do what they wanted as there was only one of me but I did my best to give them a happy childhood where they knew they were loved for who they were. They were allowed to make mistakes and learn from them.

It is so easy to lose your identity as a parent, you live for your children to ensure that they are safe and happy then they grow up and go off to lead their own lives. This is how it should be and I have always believed the saying ‘let them go and they will always come back’. Having said that being a parent is really one of the hardest ‘jobs’ and letting go even harder.

I don’t regret one moment with my beautiful children, regardless of the struggles and hardships trying to make ends meet, they have become the most amazing adults and I am so very proud of all three of them.